The Importance of Emotional Maturity and Management

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt environments or achieve one's goal(s).

Although the term first appeared in a 1964 paper by Michael Beldoch, it gained popularity in the 1995 book by that title, written by the author, psychologist, and science journalist Daniel Goleman.

We’ve heard the all the buzz about “fake news”. Smart people may use “fake news” to control our emotions to control our behavior. The use of emotional intelligence is not new, it’s older than the bible and dates back to the serpent in the garden.

“A broad definition of emotional intelligence state that it is the one (intelligence) responsible for personal, emotional, survival and social dimensions of intelligence. These functions are said to be more important than cognitive aspects of intelligence in day to day functions. Moreover, emotional intelligence is associated with adapting to the immediate surroundings and relating to others successfully.

Emotional Intelligence is a dominant factor in how we live our lives, so why aren’t we educated more about these elements.

EQ or Emotional Intelligence is one of my interests. I hope I can possibly stir your interest in this wonderful topic.

A quote from a clinical book with a really long title written by Daniel Robbins (Emotional Intelligence; the genius guide to maximizing your emotional intelligence)

He states that the components of EQ are 1. Self-Awareness 2. Self-regulation 3. Empathy 4. Interpersonal Relationships 5. Social responsibility 6. Stress Management.

Most models are similar one model by another clinician includes. 7. Master of Purpose and Vision.

According to what we know about Emotional Intelligence and addiction when an addict starts using, his or her emotional development ceases to mature. So, if you started using at say 15 and you get sober at 30 you are immature emotionally and may have some indicators of the emotional maturity of a 15 year old.

So we’ve got these emotions that are immature and now that we’re sober physically and suddenly we have a lot of emotions. We are no longer going from numbed to bare-wired, but we are presented with unrelenting waves of unsuppressed emotions.

Key emotions can be controlled by misinformation our brain processes.

Terrence T. Gorski coined it “the pain of sobriety.” People may say, “I thought there was just the pain of addiction, but now you tell me that there’s pain from being sober?” And they never saw it coming because nobody told them.

We’re so busy trying to push the pleasures of sobriety, the proverbial ‘rose garden’ to encourage recovery. However well intentioned, we don’t teach well. Many people succumb to this pain because it’s a mystery to them. So, because of lack of knowledge to add to their pain they are stigmatized.

Addiction is often thought of in the clinical world as ‘physical, mental, social.’ We in the Christian clinical circles are aware of a fourth category, ‘spiritual.’ Often as soon as good Christians get hold of the spiritual component they immediately decry “this is the most important focus.” The spiritual problem becomes their only focus. To them it’s the most important, but it’s not, all four, “physical, mental, social and spiritual” are equally important for the recovery process.

The physical, which includes detox and according to the extent of physical damage is least complicated is the first step in recovery.

The physical recovery pushes through to the second step, mental healing. As we get healthier physically, we can better address out psychological damage. Clinicians can give good help in this area.

So, the physical healing pushes through to the mental healing and in turn pushes through to heal your social damage. At the core of all addictions is the inability to have right relationships. We who are socially challenged learn to have a right relationship with Christ and we can finally have right relationships in our social life.

We must build community here. This in turn pushes through to the spiritual damage we have suffered and your social choices is very important here. Our spiritual community will help us in areas where we cannot help yourself. This is not a self-help effort; it involves everyone including the Holy Spirit.

For many of us Jesus saved us from the death of addiction, but He does not micro-manage us. We are totally in charge of management of our emotional growth.